We Are Alive!

Well after a week with little contact to our know world, I have finally figured out how to access our blog. It seems so many websites are blocked in China. I was told I needed a VPN but had to set it up before coming here. I was getting frustrated about not having a way to keep in touch with friends and family so I decided to do some researching late last night while everyone was asleep and found a VPN  I could download here. So yay!
It has been a whirlwind the last 8 days. So much to do in such a short time. But Monday the 17th was officially the BIG day. I wish I could say that Ella ran to us with open arms, but that wasn't the case and we were prepared for that. Until you know someone that has adopted or you have researched adoption, most people (including us years ago) don't realize that they are still being taken from everything they have ever known even if it seems less than ideal living conditions. So they are usually scared or go into shock mode.
When we met Ella on Monday she was very upset and understandably so. I cried for her and with her because I know my gain is her loss right now. And as her mom, it really hurts to see her grieving. It was very obvious when we visited her orphanage on Wednesday how much she was loved by her nannies. They started crying the minute they saw her from afar. Of course that made Chad and I start crying because even though we couldn't understand what they were saying to each other we understood the body language and tone of voice that exuded love. Ella and her nanny laughed and talked together like mother and daughter. Ella pointed to the children in the room and told us all their names. She even pointed at Chad and me and said "Baba" and "Mama". We saw were Ella slept and I will just say it is still hard to put into words all the little faces looking at you and all the cribs lined up in the dark room. The smell was awful and yet I have heard this was a nice orphanage. I had just learned 2 weeks prior that there are 3x more boys than girls in the orphanages and now I can vouch for that. I think there were 2 girls and maybe 16 boys? Ella's crib was still empty but every crib was occupied and tightly packed in the small room. But with that said the nannies and orphanage directors seemed very sweet and caring. For that I am truly thankful. When it was time to go, Ella ran back to her nanny screaming and kicking when I tried to get her. She wanted to stay. And I didn't blame her at all. You don't miss what you have never known. Meaning being part of our family. How could she know what a family really is? That was something my mom used to tell me all the time growing up, the part about not missing what you don't know.

So here we are on Friday afternoon and Ella has yet to speak or laugh except the time
when she was with her nanny on Wednesday. So we know it is inside of her! We just have to patiently wait for her to open up to us bit by bit. We have gotten rare little half smiles and she isn't shy about letting us know what she doesn't like which usually comes in the form of screaming, kicking, or crying. ;) But that is ok we got time well at least 11 weeks before the baby comes. So please pray for us as tomorrow we fly to Guangzhou for our US consulate visit to get Ella's visa.