Getting Settled

Life has been a blur since arriving home Friday the 28th of March. It took 24 hours from the time we left our hotel in Hong Kong, connected in Tokyo to Atlanta, and finally walked in the door. I think I was in bed within 10 minutes of being home. I slept a total of 2 hours on the plane and Chad slept maybe 10 minutes! Ella and Ava slept a bit more but not much. I think Chad and I agreed we would never fly 16 hours in one day again except under one stipulation....if God himself told us to do it!

The first few days home I thought it better not to write anything. It would have been ugly and a down right pity party. I am one of those people that need sleep and without it, I struggle greatly especially 30 something weeks pregnant.  I cannot tell you how many times I cried from exhaustion, pity, or just outright selfishness asking God "why is this so hard?" or "what have we done?".  If memory serves me correctly, any major life change can be hard. The first few years of marriage are hard, after the birth of our first daughter it was hard, and I expect after the birth of our third daughter will be hard. I have found that I tend to be creature of habit and once I get into a routine I like the comfort of it. With major life changes, a curve ball is thrown into the mix, and it disrupts the comfort zone. The good thing and bad thing is that it exposes the areas of my life that I am selfish about. You know stagnation. Areas I might not ever want to leave. But does God always want us in our comfort zone or stagnate? Only willing to be used where we are comfortable?  I think we may convince ourselves this is possible, but when you study His word the men and women he used mightily went way out of what I would describe as comfortable.  And over the past few years, Chad and I have asked God to use us however he chooses. So why all the complaining?? Simply put, I want things that are outside my comfort zone to be easy, comfortable. Yeah, that is such an oxymoron........I know.......especially typing this. I have had to spend a lot of time repenting this week for letting fear and difficulty make me want to quit. I remember asking Chad at some point, "can I just go into a cocoon for a couple of months?". But rest assured, I am over myself now and embrace what God has put before us. I mean by June we will have 3 girls....how exciting is that?!

I was driving home on morning last week after taking Ava to school and I listening to "Oceans" by Hillsong. All of a sudden when I heard the verse "Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You never fail and you won't start now, And I will call upon your name and keep my eyes above the waves" jolted soemthing deep within me. I have sung that song may times, but it was is if at that very second of my despair God reminded me to focus on what is eternal. My fears and failures are temporary if I simply call on He who is eternal. I am so grateful that my Father is so patient with me when I get wrapped up in myself and my circumstances. He loves me when I am an utter mess!

So here we are almost 2 weeks later with a blossoming little girl, who amazes us every day. So many new things to learn, places to explore, and people to meet. Granted the first few days were touch an go. Not much sleep and lots of screaming and crying. Me included! Ella had a fever and major congestion a couple of days after arriving home. On Tuesday off to the pediatrician we went. Her doctor looked at her then me (I closely resembled a walking corpse at that point) and told me that she was writing a prescription for anti-histamines to help Ella sleep, which would allow me to sleep. Now I know why our social worker told us it would be like having a newborn when we came home. But now we have a rambling toddler, who is into everything and seems so content. She started talking on Saturday night repeating every word we said. She started calling us by our names. Of course, we tend to hear her call Ava's name the most. And boy, does she love her big sister! So after some sleep and perspective, I can tell you that it was absolutely the right decision to open our hearts to this precious, little girl as she will change our lives as much as we will change hers.